Immortality is an age-
old concept. Mythology
as old as human history
refers to people and
animals who never die.
But, for the most part,
immortality is a
fantasy-- right?
Well, right. Sort of.
Surprisingly, there are
some animal species
that, for whatever
reason, have simply
decided that they don't
like the idea of death
and that they will have
no part in it. These
animals are functionally
immortal. They never
age, and-- unless an
outside force does
them in-- they could
theoretically live
forever.
The Sea Anemone
The lowly sea anemone
doesn't look like an
immortal animal. In
fact, it doesn't even
look like an animal. In
between swaying to
the left, swaying to the
right, and occasionally
swallowing a bit of
debris, this brainless
polyp is busy defying
everything we know
about mortality. A sea
anemone doesn't age
as it gets older; it
simply grows bigger.
Fortunately for those
who find this a little
creepy, none of them
have lived long enough
to develop sentience
yet-- they get wiped
out at around age 80 by
heat, water pollution,
infections and greedy
collectors.
The Lobster
Like the sea anemone,
the lobster is an idiot. It
has no brain, and its
central nevous system
is about as simple as a
common household
insect. But lobsters
have somehow figured
out a way to defy aging
as we know it. Unlike
people, lobsters don't
experience any change
in metabolism or body-
function as they get
older. A one-hundred-
year-old lobster will
even continue eating,
moving and making
baby-lobsters without
any sense of shame.
They also keep getting
bigger-- meaning that,
after a couple-hundred
years, they can be the
size of a wolf, and
capable of scaring the
living daylights out of
anyone who's read the
Dark Tower series. Did-
a-chik? (For more about
the lobster's functional
immortality, click here.)
The Aldabra Giant
Tortoise
Image
Aldabra giant tortoises
are exactly what they
sound like-- freaking
giant. The males can
weigh nearly 800
pounds, which would
make them the most
terrifying animals in the
world if they ate meat
and moved a little
quicker. Fortunately,
Aldabra tortoises barely
seem to notice humans
like us-- they aren't
tame; they simply don't
care. Because, inside
their little reptilian
brains, they are laughing
at the fact that we get
old and die. We aren't
sure just how long
Aldabra tortoises live,
because they have a
pesky tendency to live
longer than the people
watching them. The
oldest confirmed age of
an Aldabra tortoise was
255 years, but some
may have lived to be
twice that age.
The Rougheye
Rockfish
The rougheye rockfish
just sounds defiant. In
fact, I'd include a few
more desciptions-- like
riptide, rugged, rumblin',
radical and ravin'-- in its
name, but that would
probably remind you too
much of that
douchebag surfer-guy
who smoked a joint
with your sister ten
years ago. And, just like
that surfer-guy, the
rockfish is incredibly
ugly but makes up for it
by being defiant of
everything. Including
mortality. A rougheye
rockfish, which is a
functionally immortal
animal, can live to be
200 years old or more,
unless some guy with a
fishing-pole manages to
break it of its
persistent addiction to
life.
The Immortal
Jellyfish
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The name says all.
When the immortal
jellyfish gets tired of
being a sexually mature
adult, it can decide to be
a polyp-- that is, a
baby-- again. To do this,
the jellyfish (technically
a medusa) turns itself
inside-out, then re-
absorbs its tentacles
and other dangly-bits. It
then land in its grave (or
birth site) somewhere
in the sand and
becomes a colony of
tiny little polyps. It's like
your grandpa deciding
that he's going to go to
bed and turn into a few
dozen fetuses-- only
the immortal jellyfish
doesn't have dementia
and actually will follow
through on its threat.
The Hydra
The hydra is a nearly
microscopic immortal
animal, but what it
lacks in size it makes up
for in stamina. (You
probably know at least
a handful of men who
use the same excuse
with with their
girlfriends.) Hydras are
actually remarkably
efficient predators;
they release an
explosion of
neurotoxins into their
prey, paralyze it, and
then consume the
animal whole. Every
single cell in the hydra's
tiny body is constantly
dividing and
rejuvenating, so any
injured, polluted or
defective cells are
diluted by the
thousands of others.
Because they are
constantly replenishing
their living cells, hydras
do not age at all-- ever.
Immortality doesn't
truly exist in practice,
but, in theory, any of
these immortal animals
really coulld manage to
live forever.
Unfortunately for them
(and fortunately for us)
environmental
conditions do eventually
destroy every living
"immortal" animal.